affirmation

this isn’t a rant at all, but last week was not the best week. I felt STRESS in all its forms.

not that I mind so much. I am not so calm and laid back a person, in the first place. I do sweat the small stuff sometimes. that’s how I’m built. all those self-help books lose business with me. I am emotional, and I do not apologize for it.

a bad last straw however came in some little talk that, I learned, was made about me.

I scolded a student. I did lose my temper, and the poor girl got a mouthful. Some people supposedly thought the situation should’ve been resolved in a way that did not include telling off and speaking out.

I disagree. I understand, but was still a little hurt that out of all the amounts of kindness and genuine serious concern that I afford my students, some people still chose to define my person by that singular (warranted) outburst. She had it coming. It was not like I got angry at the drop of a hat. I am not the sweetest person. So sue me. But I am not evil.

• I make my students laugh.
• I make them feel good about themselves and forgiving about their own shortcomings.
• I share with them lessons I wish I had learned earlier in my life.
• I do all I can to make learning significant and relevant.
• I strive to be able to call them by their name.
• I try hard to make them feel that just a tad more hard work is going to solve things when I see them resigned to mediocrity.
• I even dare say, but without resentment, that the time, money and energy I spend on my students are worth more than double of what I actually get paid for.

All that, and I cannot get angry when a student lies to my face and causes me potential problems that would be beyond my control to solve? I don’t get it at all.

Unlike others, I do not always choose to simplify. I do not believe in punishing to substitute for making sure a student learns lessons on honesty, responsibility and respect for other people’s time. It’s like spanking your child — not to hurt him, but to drive home a point. To take the offered resolution is like punishing, without consideration of whether the more important lesson was learned at all.

In the end, I think the child understood why I had to take to the rod. I see it. I didn’t break her.

I also got flowers, from someone I am yet to know.

I met a group of students who told me they missed my class.

Now I realize this – as long as my students get it, I do not have to be the unruffled, most unperturbed teacher on earth. I can’t be cool and care at the same time. I just can’t. If I do not get so rich in this job, I had better do enough to at least make the world a tad sadder when I’m gone.