…I had the strangest, most unexpected dream –
not because it had characters not present in my life. one is. for some half-sweet, half-sickening enough-already reason.
not because it featured people I do not know. I know those people. i just haven’t seen one in a long time. the other, I have never met, but I know exactly who he is.
not because the events could not ever happen. they could. I just could not, to save my sanity, think of ways they could actually come to be. not now. not even in the near future.
not because it felt surreal. it did not. in fact, it felt too real. when I woke up, I felt like checking the other bedroom in the house, because that’s where they were. and they were making themselves comfortable.
not because I felt differently in that dream. in fact, the dream kind of validated how ambiguous or ambivalent I felt about the very possibility. when I speak about it, I hardly make sense. in the dream, I was exactly that – could not make sense of it all. I did not know what to think or how to feel. that’s just how it is in real life.
I have not been visited by a dream for some time now. the most recent ones, however, have just been either hilarious or ridiculous or weird.
I remember one where I supposedly lose all my hair. I woke up crying; I also did not wash my hair that morning.
in another, I miss a deadline at work and do not know what to do. that’s just ridiculous – I always know my way around a missed deadline (wink!wink!)
but this one was different. it wasn’t sad or tragic or heartbreaking. they say you dream of the last thing in your conscious mind before you retired: i remember thinking of what to wear for a dinner date with friends the next day. some say you dream of what lurks in your subconscious: my subconscious is way more interesting than I am then. and more positive. and less afraid of herself. darn it.
but it was all good. I think I actually am getting better.
I liked it that I was not a different person in that dream. I liked it that nothing and no one felt unfamiliar.
I liked it that there, I thought and felt the same way I’ve always expected I would.
I liked it that in that dream, half of my questions seem answered.
I liked it that while it didn’t end happily, it really didn’t end at all.
