God does provide. For most of my life (I’ve always called it semi-charmed. by my standards, it is…), I never had to worry about the rainy days. The rainy days did come, but I just had to pray, have faith and a strong resolve. God did provide. FAITH is the courage to accept acceptance; faith is the courage to believe that God loves you. I am no angel, but shame on me if I ever doubt or forget how God had given me more than enough despite my imperfections.
The society where I exist frowns upon being forward and confrontational, no matter if you are in the right. I have discovered that despite people’s judgments of me as either frank (if they like me enough) or coarse (obviously, if they have no love lost for me), I actually do bite my tongue a lot. My mom and unlucky housemates have to suffer from my venting too many a time. Lately though, I have noticed that every time I let pass an opportunity to set things right, just because I try to avoid confrontation, I go home feeling aggrieved and violated. Again, I am not the sweetest thing in the world, but I wear my manners and my consideration for others every day. Someone says it is better to offend people than let them offend me. See – that is true. I was just not built to take crap.
Stress has a way of getting to me – now. Lately, people and circumstances have been especially challenging. Drivers who do worse than hog their lanes. Buses on Taft Avenue. People who get on an elevator even before anyone could get off. Professors who refuse to recognize that the workplace is a place for work, and not a place to play schoolyard games. People who demand too much from me, as if we have ever been on that terms. Students who think they are doing ME a favor with the things they do in class. People who walk slow when you are hurrying to get somewhere. I get enough doses of daily stressors to make me want to pull my hair. On worse days, I hear myself wondering whether it’s all worth it. THEN the world sends me something to make me snap out of IT – a home to come home to (two, actually. one on weekdays; another on weekends). A phone call from mom. Students who do something sweet. A beauty sale. Someone getting what she has been praying for and toiling over for a long time –some sweet success (not mine, but just as good for my heart). Breakfast food for dinner. Some old new music. A film that I have wanted to catch on TV. A REALLY good hair day. Something to laugh about. The world is going to turn the way it wills itself to. A cousin says I choose my attitude. I’m just glad I am sane, because I can stop myself from snapping. I’m ok.
Manage expectations. It’s my fault. I subscribe too much to reciprocity. I value loyalty. I expect. I think some things do not really need explaining – they just are. But no. some people just do not ‘work’ that way. Some people are just not built like that. Some people just have their cake, eat it and expect to get yours – which you are willing to give, although they don’t deserve it. Some others you just want to smother with cake because they just cannot get enough. I am just out of more lame analogy. I think I just want to say: I wish some people just turn into cake because that’s all they are – empty calories.
*Sigh*
